A New Season

The weather is finally transitioning from summer to fall.  The air is cool and crisp.  The children are back in school.  A new season has begun.  For me it is the beginning of a new season in my life.  My daughter started her freshman year of college less than one month ago and my baby started middle school.  I was not prepared for the intense emotions that I have felt these past few weeks.  When we dropped my daughter off at school the tears came with such intensity that my heart literally felt broken.  It took two days for me to get myself together and realize that this was a new chapter in my life, a new chapter in my family's story.  I would be lying if I said it's been easy.  The house is quieter, the dinner table is smaller, the feeling in our home is just different.  My youngest daughter has gone from having two older siblings at home to now being the only child.  It's been a tough transition for her as well. I realize that I am fighting the inevitable, our children grow up.  That is what they are supposed to do, but I yearn for those days when they were little, especially this time of year.  I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I have come to the realization that I have invested so much of my identity in being a mother, their mother that I am questioning what my role in life will be when they are grown.  It is scary to be in your forties and not know what you want to be when you grow up. I do know that I want to be less afraid of change.  I want to embrace the new seasons in my life instead of looking back at the past.  I want to embrace the new changes and be excited about them. So my new goal for this season is to do something that scares me.  Put myself out there and start living more.  Really living.

Chalkboard walls!?!?!

I really, really want to paint one of the walls in my kitchen with chalkboard paint!  I love the look of it but I am chicken.  I keep telling myself that it is only paint and I can repaint if I don't like it.  Should I paint it or leave it alone?  Hmmmmmm..... I feel a project coming on.

Yummy cupcakes and craft fun!

We've been busy crafting and baking! Yummy Double Chocolate Chip Banana Cupcakes with Soy Nut Butter Frosting!  Peanut, Tree Nut, Egg, and Dairy Free. We won't let food allergies stand in our way of making delicious treats!!!

Pickle has been busy crafting this summer.  We love visiting Michael's Craft Store with our trusty 40%  off coupons!!!

Brave

"It's not what's in front of you that gets in your way, it's what's inside that holds you back". I chose this quote to go next to my senior portrait in my high school yearbook over twenty five years ago. I haven't thought much about this quote until recently.  My daughter graduated from high school last month and she has been very anxious about how quickly the summer is flying by.  She will be leaving the nest in a few short weeks to begin a new chapter in her life.  She will be living on campus away from home for the first time in her entire life.  What she doesn't realize is how strong she already is.  She does not see herself the way her Dad and I do.  We see this incredibly intelligent, hardworking, creative, loving young woman who has the entire world in front of her.  She can choose whatever path she desires. I have watched her work full time all summer and then come home each evening and paint for hours and hours.  Her artistic abilities are truly a gift from God.  Her art feeds her soul and calms her nerves.  She loses herself in her paintings and drawings.  She recently began selling her artwork to earn money for school.  She did this on her own.  She put herself and her artwork out there for the whole world to see.  She has figured out at way at the tender age of eighteen to earn money by doing something she is passionate about and truly loves.  I am in awe of her. 

I want to be that girl.  I want to put myself out there.  I want to do all of the things I have been too afraid to do in the past.  I want to be true to myself.  I want to be BRAVE just like my daughter!

Found this on Etsy - so true!  Love my sisters!!!

Trying new things

People have asked me why I am starting a blog.  The truth is I have wanted to start a blog for over two years now.  Why did it take me so long?  FEAR!  Fear of being judged, fear of ridicule, fear of not catching every spelling or grammatical error, fear of it not being good enough, fear of me not being good enough.  I have always loved to write.  This is how I communicate best. I wanted a place where I could show off my latest DIY projects with my family and friends, a place where I could share my yummy allergy safe recipes, a place where I could share myself.  I think the main reason I wanted to start writing is because I want my daughters to know who their mom really is and who she was.  My youngest daughter lovingly referred to as Pickle and I went to see the new Disney movie "BRAVE" yesterday.  LOVED IT!!  The movie was amazing, especially the message.  I cried, I always seem to cry now when I watch Disney movies.  I guess the hormones are to blame, aren't they to blame for everything? I could completely relate to the relationship between the main character and her mother.  I am a great "talker" but not such a great "listener".  I really struggle with this - really, really struggle with this. I know I have missed opportunities to really learn about my daughters because I was so busy imparting my words of wisdom on them that I wasn't truly hearing them.  Luckily they have an amazing father that is far more patient than I will ever be so hopefully they will only need a few years of therapy to recover - just kidding, sort of.  Sometimes I wish they could glimpse into the past for a bit and see their Mom as just a girl.  A girl with dreams, hopes, and passions.  I wish they could see me out dancing every weekend or hopping on the back of their Dad's motorcycle cruising for hours, or see the silly girl I was, bossy, but silly pouring buckets of water over the balcony on my best friend and her latest crush.  I wish they could see how I too would sit for hours drawing with charcoal and pen and ink.  I wish they could read my comic series that I worked on every single day titled, "Stan the Man".  My daughters are so much like me but so different from me.  Their talents far surpass my abilities.  Their drive is much stronger than mine ever was.  They are not me.  They will have their own journeys, their own stories. I hope they don't let life rob them of their playful nature. I hope that they always follow their dreams and fight to make them a reality. I hope that I can be a better listener so I can honestly "HEAR" what they are saying.  We all want to be heard and validated don't we?