Monday, September 17, 2012
The weather is finally transitioning from summer to fall. The air is cool and crisp. The children are back in school. A new season has begun. For me it is the beginning of a new season in my life. My daughter started her freshman year of college less than one month ago and my baby started middle school. I was not prepared for the intense emotions that I have felt these past few weeks. When we dropped my daughter off at school the tears came with such intensity that my heart literally felt broken. It took two days for me to get myself together and realize that this was a new chapter in my life, a new chapter in my family's story. I would be lying if I said it's been easy. The house is quieter, the dinner table is smaller, the feeling in our home is just different. My youngest daughter has gone from having two older siblings at home to now being the only child. It's been a tough transition for her as well. I realize that I am fighting the inevitable, our children grow up. That is what they are supposed to do, but I yearn for those days when they were little, especially this time of year. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I have come to the realization that I have invested so much of my identity in being a mother, their mother that I am questioning what my role in life will be when they are grown. It is scary to be in your forties and not know what you want to be when you grow up. I do know that I want to be less afraid of change. I want to embrace the new seasons in my life instead of looking back at the past. I want to embrace the new changes and be excited about them. So my new goal for this season is to do something that scares me. Put myself out there and start living more. Really living.