Thursday, June 28, 2012

Trying new things

People have asked me why I am starting a blog.  The truth is I have wanted to start a blog for over two years now.  Why did it take me so long?  FEAR!  Fear of being judged, fear of ridicule, fear of not catching every spelling or grammatical error, fear of it not being good enough, fear of me not being good enough.  I have always loved to write.  This is how I communicate best. I wanted a place where I could show off my latest DIY projects with my family and friends, a place where I could share my yummy allergy safe recipes, a place where I could share myself.  I think the main reason I wanted to start writing is because I want my daughters to know who their mom really is and who she was.  My youngest daughter lovingly referred to as Pickle and I went to see the new Disney movie "BRAVE" yesterday.  LOVED IT!!  The movie was amazing, especially the message.  I cried, I always seem to cry now when I watch Disney movies.  I guess the hormones are to blame, aren't they to blame for everything? I could completely relate to the relationship between the main character and her mother.  I am a great "talker" but not such a great "listener".  I really struggle with this - really, really struggle with this. I know I have missed opportunities to really learn about my daughters because I was so busy imparting my words of wisdom on them that I wasn't truly hearing them.  Luckily they have an amazing father that is far more patient than I will ever be so hopefully they will only need a few years of therapy to recover - just kidding, sort of.  Sometimes I wish they could glimpse into the past for a bit and see their Mom as just a girl.  A girl with dreams, hopes, and passions.  I wish they could see me out dancing every weekend or hopping on the back of their Dad's motorcycle cruising for hours, or see the silly girl I was, bossy, but silly pouring buckets of water over the balcony on my best friend and her latest crush.  I wish they could see how I too would sit for hours drawing with charcoal and pen and ink.  I wish they could read my comic series that I worked on every single day titled, "Stan the Man".  My daughters are so much like me but so different from me.  Their talents far surpass my abilities.  Their drive is much stronger than mine ever was.  They are not me.  They will have their own journeys, their own stories. I hope they don't let life rob them of their playful nature. I hope that they always follow their dreams and fight to make them a reality. I hope that I can be a better listener so I can honestly "HEAR" what they are saying.  We all want to be heard and validated don't we?

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